An Inclusive Litany

1/4/93

After embezzling $2,000 of government money and gambling it away in Atlantic City, an FBI agent was dismissed but then reinstated after claiming that his weakness for gambling is a "handicap" and therefore protected under federal law forbidding discrimination against the handicapped.

A Baltimore contractor sued for a minority set-aside because he weighs 640 pounds.

After being late for work almost every day, a Philadelphia school teacher was dismissed but then sued for reinstatement, claiming she's a victim of "chronic lateness syndrome."

An indigent New York couple with a combined income of $350,000 appealed to the mercies of the public as victims of "compulsive spending syndrome."

A Virginia special education teacher who failed a teacher's test eight times claimed she was a victim of "slowness in understanding."

A Wisconsin man who admitted to exposing himself 10,000 to 20,000 times was turned down for a job as an attendant in a park. He successfully sued, claiming he had never exposed himself in a park but only in laundromats and libraries.

A Chicago man with a 60-inch waist complained to the Minority Rights Division of the U.S. Attorney's Office that McDonald's violates his rights by not providing seats large enough for his backside.

A Midwestern government professor claimed minority status because he rides a bicycle and is a victim of "motorism."